Hidden Truth/Hidden Truth.iso/data/genufo/genufo/alien/main_archive/j_upto_r/phoenix.humor.txt

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From [e-mail] (Iain Jameson) Thu Feb 13 02:08:53 1992
Path: aramis.rutgers.edu!rutgers!noao!asuvax!cs.utexas.edu!swrinde!mips!mips!munnari.oz.au!yoyo.aarnet.edu.au!sirius.ucs.adelaide.edu.au!adelphi.ua.oz.au!ijameson
From: [e-mail] (Iain Jameson)
Newsgroups: alt.alien.visitors
Subject: The Shriek of the Looney --Part One--
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Date: 13 Feb 92 07:08:53 GMT
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Organization: Department of Physics, University of Adelaide, South Australia
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CHAPTER ONE : The Beginning

And I say verily to you that a prophet shall arise amoung thee,
and say things that were never before said. He shall come and
say things that although never before said, will now be said.
And the prophet shall have a name, and the name shall be
a secret. And he will write about unwritten things in a
manner that will cause much consternation.
`Looney' yea shall cry.
`Bugger off' yea shall command.
But the prophet shall ingore yea and continue to write, and write
and write, into the wee small hours - of things unknown and, so far,
unsaid. In a style that will cause much confusion to the educated.

By his writings shall yea know the prophet. By the billions of bits
of information shall he come amoung you, the blind, and show you
the truth. And the truth shall be written by the prophet for all
to see. For there is no getting away from the words of the prophet.
Kill files will avail you not, for the prophet writes much, and
is a master of disguise, and yea shall not know who to kill, much to
your distress.


CHAPTER TWO : The Early Years

The prophets early years were filled with learning. When still
a young lad, he brought an astronomy book by the well known
Russian scientist (grade 2) Vladimir Krillnestov entitled
`Astronomy for boys and other stories.'
>From this mighty book did the prophet learn the ways of science.
Of the mighty gas giants, of the constellations and the names
of planets in other systems that, although they had not been
discovered, were there because the great Russian scientist (grade two)
Yuri Krillnestov said they were. Little did the young prophet
realise the importance of this book. Only as he got older did
he realise that a conspiracy by the Russian branch of the
Atlantis group of Nations kept the book out of the best seller
list. It was at this point in time that the boy decided to tell
the world the truth. It was at this point in time that the boy
decided to become a prophet, much to the disappointment of
his parents who had hoped he would be a doctor.

CHAPTER THREE : The Book of the Prophet

I say to thee that they walk amoung us. They, our friends from
the Pleiades and the Lyra group of Nations. They, our multi-
coloured friends will help us when we have matured.
For they are old and wise, and we have yet to discover a
pastry that will not go soggy in the microwave. By this
do they know us. By our culinary disasters shall we be
seen as failures by our galactic neighbours.

But we shall overcome this. Do not heed the book of the
purple shade of greys, for they are the enemy of cuisine.
Indeed, they are the enemy of all things proper, for they
are the anglophiles who would force you to have devinshire
tea each morning around elevenish. Forsooth, I say to thee,
destroy all who would offer you a jam scone and tea.

Where do they come from, our friends? From the Pleiades cluster.
They are old, as the cluster is old. But that was not their first
home. Many eons before, they lived on a mighty planet in the
Antares group of systems. A mighty empire they did have, swapping
recipes for pastry and coffee. Then the purple shade of greys arrived
from the Centauras region. A mighty war ravaged the heavens, and laid
waste the coffee rooms of the Pleiadians. Out classed, they ran
away, moving from planet to planet, just ahead of the purple shade
of greys, until finally they decided to stop and bring forth a
young race to do battle with the enemy.
Yes! We are the chosen ones, the coffee drinkers who shall destroy
the drinkers of devinshire tea.
Yes! We will become the worthy successors of the Pleiadians and Lyrans.
Where do the Lyrans come in? you ask. Well, I shall tell you.
Many millions of years ago a young race invented a machine to put
a chocolate powder on top of coffee. This great breakthrough was
immediately fowarded onto the Pleiadians, who, being the mighty
noble race that they are, offered the Lyrians a partnership.
It the Lyrians allowed the Pleiadians to run away, they could fight
the purple shade of greys all by themselves. Being a high strung,
albeit stupid, race, they agreed. Thus was forged a friendship
which lasts to this day. It is true that the Lyrians are now
few in number, but they make up for it in quality.